Holiday Blues

It's that time. "The most wonderful time of the year" a.k.a. the holiday season is upon us again, and I can't help but feel slightly dismal.

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, came and went with mixed feelings. I made a huge mistake by Facetiming my family on Thanksgiving day, because of course, it just made me feel worse. I kept it together as my sister carried the phone over the dessert table with my mom's pecan tarts, and as I said a loving "hello" to all of my siblings for the first time in months, but as soon as I realized I wasn't actually there with them, I couldn't hold in my tears any longer. It was my first Thanksgiving spent away from home. I decided to make my host family a traditional Thanksgiving meal--or as traditional as possible with the ingredients I could find at the grocery store--the Saturday after Thanksgiving day. My host mom, Cathleen, took me to one of the biggest supermarkets in Lüneburg to find everything I needed. As I pulled out my translated shopping list, her eyes grew as she gazed at the extensive menu. "How many things are you making?" she asked. "A whole chicken, green bean casserole, corn, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie," I replied. She looked at me in disbelief and said "That's a lot." "It's Thanksgiving!" I said with a smile. We filled our cart with nearly everything on my list, and then headed home so I could start preparing dishes for the feast the following day. Saturday afternoon, I began throwing everything together, and seeing my need for help fi we were going to eat at a decent hour, Cathleen stepped into the kitchen to lend a hand. When everything was finally finished, Cathleen, Jule, Emma, me, Sandro (Cathleen's boyfriend), and four friends from school, dug in. Although the chicken wasn't cut by my dad, and the mashed potatoes didn't have the lumps left by my mom, it was still delicious, and everyone else loved it. (The photos below are extremely bad, but they are the only ones I got before all the food was gone.)

As Christmas approaches, I experience more and more German traditions. The Christmas Markets have opened, and they are completely wonderful. Almost every town in Germany has a market during the Christmas season with small booths selling wool socks and sweaters, leather goods, bratwurst, jewelry, and so many other festive goods and treats. One of the most popular refreshments at Christmas Markets is Glühwein, or German mulled wine. It comes alcoholic, or alcohol free, and Germans of all ages can be seen huddled together in the cold with steaming mugs of the spiced goop. My host mom convinced me that I just had to try some, even though I wasn't too sure, so I took my first sip at the Lüneburg Christmas market a couple weeks ago. And...it tastes exactly how you think hot red grape juice with cinnamon and nutmeg would taste. In other words, it's pretty terrible. However, there isn't much that can ruin a Christmas market. The lights, music, vendors, and general happiness of everyone around is absolutely blissful. 

So as I think of what my family and friends will be doing without me this Christmas, or what I will be missing out on, I have to remind myself of all the extraordinary sights of Germany. After all, not everyone can say they spent the biggest holiday in the world, in the country which celebrates it the best. (Pictured below: Hamburg Christmas Market which I visited last weekend)

Herbstferien

I am a week and a half through my two week fall break, and it has given me a lot of time to explore Northern Germany. I visited Hamburg with a few girls from my school, I went to Hannover with my host family to visit relatives, and I just returned from a short trip with a friend I made at language camp visiting Celle and Bremen. These ventures have made me fall deeper into love with this country--the cities and the gorgeous countryside.

On Monday, I arrived in Celle to meet up with Fiona. After a big hug, we walked out of the train station and straight to the closest cafe for some much needed caffeine and pastries. We caught up on host families, school, embarrassing stories, etc. and continued on to the main part of the city. Celle has small German town charm with large attractions, such as the Schloss Celle, a small castle in the middle of town. We took too many photos, walked too paths, and ate too much bread, so we decided to head home to Fiona's host family in Lemwerder around 7:30.

The next day, we awoke to fresh Brötchen and coffee, then prepared ourselves for another day of travel in Bremen. We took a train to Bremen's main station, and shortly after our arrival I decided to stop by the ATM. Much to my surprise, my card wasn't working. I remained as calm as possible while I tried several more times on several other international ATMs. Eventually I found wifi somewhere to check the balance on my account, and was forced to bite my lips to keep from screaming as I saw the balance "$6.20." "Don't freak out," Fiona said. Easier said than done, considering I had zero cash, and I still had to buy a train ticket at the end of the day to get back to Lüneburg. I knew I had gone a little overboard with my spending over break, but I was nearly positive I had left money on my card, but I was determined not to let that ruin my time in Bremen, despite how much it was actually bothering me. Fiona generously offered to pay for my ticket home, allowing me to pay her back at another time.

We began walking to the main part of the city--several of the locals stopped to stare at the fumes omitted from my head. "I'm fine," I said to Fiona on our way, even though I was not really feeling fine. However, once I stepped into the city market my feelings changed. The architecture--the unbelievable grandness of the buildings--was enough to make me forget about my monetary strife. Bremen was exquisite. Just in front of me was the Bremen Roland. To my left was the Bremen Rathaus. On the outskirts of the square was St. Peter's Cathedral (pictures below). How could I be upset when I had these stunning structures before me? Fiona and I strolled around for a while, taking pictures and reading plaques, then decided to stop for a bite to eat (on her tab, of course). Our stomachs were satisfied, and we took off again.

Our next pursuit was inside the cathedral. As soon as I set foot in the majestic church, I was lost for words. I took some pictures for my memory, but the photos couldn't do it justice. After about 15 minutes of being inside, I stopped to sit down in one of the pews to basque in the glorious and ornate details. Just sitting there, I realized how fortunate I was to simply be where I was. I spent the first part of the day upset because I didn't have the money I wanted for this excursion, but I had an epiphany. Who cares? I was in the presence of phenomenal history, and incredible culture. This led me to think of many other complaints differently as well. My feet hurt: I was walking through one of the most beautiful cities I had ever seen. My German still sucks: I spent two days with a great friend who could relate to my frustration with the language, and didn't care because we could finally speak and understand someone perfectly for the first time in two months. I missed my friends and family: they are thrilled I can experience moments like the one I am having now--they are even jealous--and I will be reunited with them in just seven months. And that's when I had an even bigger realization: I only have seven months left in Germany, and I cannot spend those seven months fretting about things that don't matter. I cannot sulk. I cannot pout. I will not take anything for granted. The opportunity in front of me is something some people only dream of, so I do not intend to waste it.

Fiona and I sat in the church together for a little while longer, and after recognizing our fortune, we headed with kind intentions to a bakery for some Brötchen. We walked through the park and back to the train station, stopping on our way to give the bread to a homeless woman sitting on the side of the street. "Möchtest du Brötchen?" I asked her. She looked up at me and smiled delightedly. "Danke schön! Danke schön! Danke!" she replied. As we stepped away she bowed her hooded head, and began to pray. I had never seen anyone so grateful for two 13 cent rolls, and I had never been so happy about spending that 26 cents.

At the train station, Fiona and I said our goodbyes, and separated to find our trains home. I boarded with my ticket which Fiona had purchased for me, a smile from making someone else happier, and a new perspective.

"Yeah English so much wow"

I have been in school for almost six weeks, and as much as I love being spoken to like a small child, it's getting old. Many of my teachers--and even my classmates--often approach me with a soft, slow voice, and a face which reads "Poor thing, you don't understand anything." PSA: I am not four years old. Although I have been trying to speak only German, sometimes I am not even given a chance. I often have to tell my schoolmates "Kein englisch," because even when I ask a question in German, they speak to me in English, or they want to use me as a way to improve their own English. Last week a teacher wanted to speak to me briefly after class, but before I could finish an entire phrase he stopped me and said "Stop. Just speak English." Entschuldigung, but the only way my German will improve is if I can actually practice it.

Despite my difficulties, I spoke with my chemistry teacher one-on-one this afternoon and understood nearly everything she said, while she was speaking at a normal pace. This interaction made me more optimistic about my fluency, after I had been feeling discouraged about my progress the past couple weeks. Many people have told me that my German has improved immensely (but looking back at my first day of school, that isn't saying much). I hope to be mostly fluent by the end of the semester. Keep your fingers crossed, that may be a stretch.

This Friday is the beginning of Herbstferien, or fall holiday, which means two full weeks of no school. Needless to say I am more than ready for those two weeks free of homework, confusion about tasks in class, and our weekly graded mile-run in Sport. That's not a joke, they really do grade us on how fast we run a mile. I can hardly wait to further explore Lüneburg, and take day trips to Hamburg and Berlin. I feel like I have not been taking advantage of the fact that I am living in Europe, and have not been as adventurous as I thought I was going to be when I arrived, but trust me, that will change very soon.

In my free time, I have started running quite a bit. It has led me to hidden parts of Lüneburg I would have never discovered without a refreshing jog. I have stumbled upon a pasture with hay bails and a horse, a trail which runs behind my school, and my favorite place to run: a dead end path, which captures the sunlight perfectly on the Autumn leaves. I can't help but think how spoiled I am by Lüneburg's beautiful trees, cityscape, and sunsets.

The Awkward American Girl

After two full weeks of school, I am exhausted. Constantly translating--or attempting to do so--is grueling for eight hours every day. My teachers have learned to scan over me when they search for a student to call on, because whenever they call my name I can only respond with "Wie bitte?" or "Ich verstehe nicht." Needless to say my German still isn't where it needs to be to keep up with everything happening in class, but it is amazing how much my German has improved over the past two weeks. I have found that each time I have to speak in front of my classmates my palms begin to sweat, and my heart races. This is very odd, because I am never nervous speaking in front of groups in America. I gave a presentation on Kansas, Topeka, and a little information about my family the other day in German class--in German, of course--and afterwards I couldn't even stop my hands from shaking long enough to put on more deodorant (which I desperately needed).

Kids at school have become used to my presence now, and are starting to talk to me about real things, instead of just "Where are you from?" and "Do you understand?"but on occasion, I still walk into the wrong classroom, or pull a door which should be pushed, and they must correct me. I have befriended most of the girls in my class, however, sometimes I follow them so closely, and so often, that I'm worried I may frighten them, or lead them to believe I am stalking them.

My host family is still wonderful. Each day I fall deeper into love with my host mom. Last Sunday she took Jule and me canoeing, then to a small cafe for cappuccinos and fresh pretzels (which were bomb), and later that night she walked through the door with fresh döner for dinner. Yesterday I received something in the mail which turned out to be a ticket for a concert I will be attending with Jule in November, and as soon as she saw what it was she shouted "Oh nein!" I was very confused until she revealed that she had already purchased my ticket, and was going to surprise me with it for my birthday. I could have cried real tears, because I felt so bad, and because I was so touched.

Things are schön here in Lüneburg, and I know with time my German will be just as good.

First Day of School

I woke up this morning at 6:00 AM, got dressed, had breakfast and coffee with Cathleen, Jule, and Emma, brushed my teeth, and headed out the door to Gymnasium Johanneum. Cathleen walked with me, assuring me that everything would be easy because it's the first day on our way. I wasn't nervous until we turned the corner and about a hundred kids were standing outside the school, waiting for the bell. We walked through the crowd and into the building, where we found an even bigger crowd of students catching up after the long summer holiday. Cathleen took me directly to the secretary so I could wait for someone to show me to my classroom. She gave me a big smile and warm hug before leaving me with my teacher. Herr Weigel led me to the room which had several students waiting outside. "Oh God," I thought as we all shuffled in, "this is going to be the longest day of my life."

When class finally began Herr Weigel made everyone find a partner--"Great."--to get to know each other and talk about activities we do in our free time. A girl approached me, seeing that I clearly didn't know anyone, and introduced herself as Lena. As she started to explain what were doing and ask me questions, I realized how little German I actually knew. Everyone was speaking so quickly, it's a wonder to me how they even understood each other. Lena tried to communicate with me as best she could, but nothing was getting through to me, and I could tell she regretted ever agreeing to be my partner. After a few minutes of Lena asking questions in very advanced German, and me gazing back at her blankly, Herr Weigel announced that it was time to go around the room and present what we had learned about our partners. "Oh nein. Nein, nein, nein," I murmured as I stood up with Lena. I went first, giving very little information in very broken German, then Lena. I would have preferred to dig my eyes out of their sockets. The rest of the period was fuzzy, to say the least. When it was over I stood up, ready to head to my next class, when I realized I had no idea where I was going. "Rebekah," I heard from behind me. "Would you like for me to show you around the school?" Dani, a girl who had the same schedule I did offered this very kind gesture--and in English! "Ja! Bitte! Bitte," I replied.

We walked to our next class: French. "I can do this," I thought, "This shouldn't be that hard." (I have taken four years of French.) Class went by much more smoothly than that before it. Next came History, then Politics, both passing with very little understanding of what was actually going on, and then Pause. After Politics I was in such a daze that a 45 minute break was exactly what I needed. I followed Dani around the whole time. She introduced me to new people, showed me around more of the school, and explained more of how German schools works--some in English, some in German. After our break we went straight to English, and as I realized which subject it was I breathed a sigh of relief heard around the world. "My ish," I thought as the teacher spoke in fluent English. Lastly came Physics, which was also a complete blur.

Once school ended I walked home, without even saying goodbye to Dani, eight books in my hands, and realized I hadn't eaten anything all day long. Not one thing. I was ready to pass out as soon as I walked through the door, but I found Cathleen in the kitchen with a hot meal waiting for me.

Laughing at myself

Things with my host family are going remarkably well. Each day I feel less like a guest and more like a part of the family. Everyday we eat breakfast and dinner together, and I can tell they are making an effort to make me feel as comfortable as possible. My host mom, Cathleen, has started carrying an English-German dictionary around with her. Yesterday they took me to a small lake where we had a picnic on the sand, and just as we found a word I didn't know, and she couldn't translate, she whipped the dictionary out of her bag, making us all giggle. Jule has been extremely helpful as well. She gave me a notebook to right down words I am unfamiliar with so I can remember them more easily, but I still find myself stuck most of time, butchering even the simplest German words, which is funny for everyone, I suppose.

Making a fool out of myself goes farther than language. Today, after visiting my school and meeting my teacher, Jule and I decided to get some schools supplies and new threads at H&M. Cathleen staying home meant we would have to take our bikes there. As soon as I hopped on Cathleen's adorable red bike with baskets in the front and back, I was flooded with nerves because I realized the last time I rode a bike was probably ten years ago. We headed down the street and although I was shaky, everything was fine. Just before we were going to ride under a bridge, the handlebar began moving to the left and for some reason I couldn't muster the strength to turn it back to the right (it's all a blur, to be perfectly honest). As I swerved into the road I thought to myself "This is it. After three days in Lüneburg, this is it." There was no stopping me as I flew across the street, over the curb, and landed with the bike on top of me (shout out to Jesus, Ganesh, or whoever made the street clear of cars so I could be here to tell the tale). As I collected myself, laughing wildly because I could only imagine how ridiculous I must have looked, a woman pulled up in a car to ask if I was alright. "Alles ist gut," I responded. All I was thinking was "Please leave me to hate myself." Jule realized what had happened, parked her bike, and ran across the street to check on me. "Scheiße," she said, while "Ja," was all I could reply. "Scheiße" could only begin to describe it.

As we rode away--me with a bruised ankle--I realized I wasn't that embarrassed. I should've been, considering that would have put even Molly Shannon to shame, but I wasn't. I just laughed, and that's all I'm going to do for the next nine months.

Finally with family

Yesterday I reached my host family (finally) in Lüneburg. I began the day by waking up at 5:00 AM and leaving the monastery at 7:15. When we got to the train station in Magdeburg around 8:00 we parked our suitcases outside so we could wait for our trains, most departing around 10:00. We learned there that most of us would most likely have delayed trains because of union strikes. Shortly after we got settled on the cement for a few final conversations about the long day ahead of us, our chaperones herded us across the streets because the entire train station was being evacuated due to some type of dangerous fluid leaked from a plane flying overhead (so we heard). We waited for several hours until finally, around 12:30, some of were able to catch a train to Hannover. Once in Hannover we said our teary goodbyes to our closest friends and parted ways. I took a train to Lüneburg, and shortly after I got my my things together and headed down the platform I saw my host family's beaming faces coming toward me.

My host mom Cathleen hugged me first, a hug which reminded me of one my own mom's hugs, then my 15 year-old sister Jule, and finally my 13 year-old sister Emma. They helped me with my luggage to the car, and then up the three flights of stairs to their apartment several blocks away. Their flat is small, but so charming. I share a room with Jule, but it is much bigger than my room at language camp, so I am pleased.

As soon as I put my suitcase down they showed me to the kitchen where they fed me a piece of raspberry cheesecake, which they made to celebrate my arrival. Then we walked around downtown Lüneburg for a bit, and ate at a small cafe (where I had the best tomato soup I have ever tasted) when it started to rain. Once we finished our meal, we went back to the apartment, and I slept for approximately 12 hours.

When I woke up this morning Jule had already made coffee, and Cathleen was out buying rolls and croissants for breakfast (Emma slept until noon). When she returned with the bread we sat down to eat together. They had a variety of spreads and toppings, but we all had the honey I brought for them from Hedersleben. (Konstantine, a 15 year-old boy from the town, has a bee hive behind the monastery where he sells four different types of honey which he cultivates himself. He started this business when he was eleven, and it has definitely paid off for him because it is the best honey I have ever tasted.) After breakfast the three of us headed out to a salt museum. Apparently Lüneburg is famous for its underground salt mines, and salt cultivation, so I tried to read and learn as much as I could. We then walked through a beautiful park to get to a mini golf course where we played for a couple hours.

Conversation with my host family is limited--obviously because my German is still crap--but I can tell we will become very close in the five months I am living with them.

Two weeks down, two to go

Two weeks of language camp have passed, which means there are only two short weeks until I reach my host family. My German isn't nearly as it should be for someone who is going to be living in Germany for ten months. While watching a German movie yesterday with other students, I realized how lost I will be for the first few weeks. It worries me that making friends at my school will be difficult because of the language barrier, but at least I will have new European clothes, and delicious bratwurst to comfort me.

A few blocks away from the monastery (pictures attached) there is a small restaurant named "Bistro Alayna." There we have found delicious sandwiches called "döner" which is a mash up of a gyro and a panini. The workers there pile lamb meat, cabbage, onions, and spicy mayo into a warm and crispy pita-like shell until it is the size of a toddler's head. Just as you start to marvel in the taste of this Turkish treat, the middle-aged woman behind the cash register will tell you to be quiet while throwing some very unnecessary dart eyes your way. I have learned it is better to order it "zu gehen" (to go).

I am ready to start living like a real German, but I know I still have much to learn from the teachers here. Even though the next two weeks look long now, they will fly by, just as the last two have, and I will be living with my host family before I know it.

Hallo Germany

I arrived at the monastery to find that I was sharing a closet sized room with two other girls, but they are both turned out to be very nice and considerate roommates. The food started out very rich, and fried, but it has improved immensely (bread and cheese at every meal is what I live for).  Hedersleben is a quaint little town with adorable locals. If you wake up early enough you will find at least three people over the age of seventy riding their bike to the post office or grocery store. My German has been improving--slowly and almost surely--so hopefully by the time I reach my host family I won't be completely mute because I have no idea what they are saying. I have found that the friends I have made at language camp have been extremely helpful in preventing homesickness. I can already tell my year will go much more smoothly because of them.
My teacher here is named Evelin, and she is like the old, precious, German grandmother I never had. Her English is broken, but she is an incredible teacher. Sometimes I don't even realize how much she has taught me over the course of one week.
Overall, Germany is fantastic. It's beautiful here. The architecture is unbelievable, and the countryside reminds me of the Kansas plains--but it is not nearly as flat, of course.

Last Night in the USA

After a tearful goodbye this morning with my parents, a thirty minute layover in the Chicago airport (where I received my workout for the day, sprinting from one side of the airport to the other with a 35 pound carry-on), a freezing cold flight to Washington DC, and a much needed nap in my hotel room, I was finally able to reunite with some of my favorite CBYX students to share two extra large cheese pizzas on our last night in America. As I sprinkled crushed red pepper flakes onto a slice of pizza, and giggled along with the other girls in the room, I realized these people are dealing with the same anxiety and excitement as I am, and that was extremely comforting.
The days preceding my departure all I heard was "Aren't you so nervous?" and "I can't believe you're leaving your friends and family for a year" and "I would be terrified!" Not exactly great words of encouragement. However, these next ten months will fly by, and before you know it, I will be back home, sharing my stories with everyone.
It is still strange for me to think that I will actually be getting on a plane tomorrow to fly to a place I have only seen pictures of. In the 70s my aunt lived in Germany, and my mom visited her for a couple weeks. I have heard of their adventures, touring the country together, and I cannot wait to have adventures of my own, in a country so loved by my family. My first adventure will begin tomorrow, when I finally head to Germany for ten whole months.

Saying Goodbye

With only two days left at home, I was forced to hug my brother and one of my sisters for the last time in ten months tonight. Next will come my closest friends, and of course, my parents. Parting ways with my loved ones will only get harder, and that is something I never thought I would say. I have never been the type of person to get homesick, or call my mom to tell her every detail of my day, but the start of my ten month journey is incredibly close, and I am realizing how much I will miss my loved ones over those ten months. The support of my friends and family has been overwhelming, and I know they will be cheering me on as I take the next step. The hardest goodbye will be with my parents at the airport. Not only because I love them dearly, but also because I know they will blubber like babies in front God and everyone, never making it possible for me to show my face at KCI Airport again.

Jitterbug

As my travel date closely approaches, the butterflies are accumulating in my stomach (making it hard to imagine all the delicious German food I will soon be eating). It has finally hit me that I will actually be spending ten whole months in a foreign country without my mom to do my laundry, without my dad to make me chili when I ask, without my brother and sisters a simple phone call away, and without my friends to meet up with me for coffee. The thought of not having that support system as I begin this journey is overwhelming, and terrifying. For the first several months I will feel isolated, and lost, but I know that as I adapt to my surroundings, and make new friendships--at language camp and in my new school when I reach my host family--it will be as if I have found a new home. Although my anxieties consume me now, I cannot wait to see what Germany, and CBYX has in store for me. I know this will be life-changing, and I need to remind myself of the wonderful opportunity I have been given when I feel lonely, or distraught.

18 days left in Kansas

This is the first post of many (hopefully). I plan to post updates and photos of my experience abroad in Germany from August 2014 to June 2015. I will be a foreign exchange student for 10 months, learning the language and culture of the locals.